hi everyone... I just wanted to share with you something about me....I have shared this on a forum today and was really quite suprised at that the amount of people there are in our scrapping community who are just like me.
I was recently reading a forum that had a thread that started like this...
Why is it as women we always seem to be fighting something? Whether it is society’s expectations of us, our own high expectations for ourselves, our weight, our body image, our self-esteem, our men, our children, mental illness? Why is it that depression (OMG … I said the word!!) and other mental illnesses are still such taboo subjects? Why when we (and I mean that collectively not individually) as a society can discuss all manners of illnesses and aches and pains is there still such a stigma attached to mental health?
I then proceeded to read this thread for the next hour and a half with tears flowing....
After seeing the amount of response from the forum readers I thought maybe we (me) needed to have a thread where we can let it all out and help each other get through those awful times when we need a friend to listen... Many stories were just like mine :(
I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder, I have an addictive personality and I also have borderline obsessive compulsive disorder.
I suffered my first breakdown in 2001. I won’t go into what led up to this.. You would be reading for months... I have a really great GP who has been there for me and is as great listener... he gave me heaps of information to read and put me on medication straight away. Within two weeks I was feeling so much better .I started seeing a psychologist for a while...she gave me lots of coping strategies .After a couple of months of feeling ok, I then went to the doctor and started to ween myself off the meds. I was feeling a million dollars... Things were ok for a long time....
When Amanda stared preschool things started going downhill again... a few things happened that I really don’t want to get into on here, but I started having panic attacks... they always happened after a pretty traumatic event... I would handle the stress at the time and then after it was all said and done I would wake in the middle of the night having a massive attack.... the first time I had one I thought I was having a heart attack.... I could see my chest rising and falling... I couldn’t even wake Craig to tell him what was happening... I made an appointment for the doctor first thing in the morning and he put me on an ECG machine... I then had another panic attack while the machine was hooked up... he could see it happening but the ECG was showing normal readings.... with my history it didn’t take him long to work out what was going on... he put me straight back on meds.
Over the course of the years I have stayed on! And was feeling great... invincible!
3 and half years ago I was offered a job in real estate doing property management. I studied for my real estate licence and was working 6 days a week.... I loved the job! My doctor more or less told me that the job wasn’t right for me. The bigger I got the rent roll the busier I got and the more stressed I got... I went to my boss and told him that I wasn’t coping at all with the work load and that I needed help...he told me that I would be fine.. silly me believed him...it all came to a head 2 yrs ago when I went on 3 weeks holiday... after a week Craig said to me “thank god you are back” it made me think about what I was doing to my family and myself.
When we got home, after much talking with Craig I had decided to resign... not that I had any resistance from my employers... they had uncovered lots of things that I hadn’t done while I was on holidays...now they believed me that the work load was too big for just one person.... i ended up having another breakdown from the stress and the guilt that i had let everyone down... I went to my doctor and he told me that there was no way that I could go back into the office again, and he wrote a certificate to finish work immediately. And pretty much told me that I would never work again.
I visited my doctor today for a check up. I don’t think that I have been to the doctor for years without being an absolute mess... I walked into today with my head held high and a huge smile on my face..... The look of relief on his face was comical... I am sure he looked at the appointments today and thought here we go again lol.
We discussed how Craig now thinks that I am too highly dosed, because nothing seems to faze me anymore....my doctor asked me what does he prefer??? Me screaming and crying or a happy wife... I said I didn’t care what he wanted, I can never remember feeling this happy and content with myself...
It has been a long hard road and after lots of med changes and doses I am finally there!
The scrapping community, through forums and blogs has helped me deal with the day to day ups and downs...and from the bottom of my heart I thank you xxx